How to Open Up to Your Partner During the IVF Journey

Going through IVF can be one of the most emotional, uncertain, and exhausting experiences for couples. The process comes with highs and lows—hope, frustration, excitement, and disappointment—all wrapped into one. With so much happening, communication becomes more important than ever.

But let’s be real—opening up isn’t always easy.

Men, in particular, may feel pressure to stay strong, to “handle it,” or to downplay their emotions. Meanwhile, partners may struggle to understand what the other is going through, leading to feelings of isolation even when you're in this together.

So how do you bridge the gap? How do you create a space where both of you feel heard, supported, and connected? Here are some practical steps to help you open up to your partner during IVF.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings (Even the Uncomfortable Ones)

IVF is not just a physical process; it’s an emotional one. You might feel stress, fear, guilt, sadness, or even anger at times. And that’s okay. The first step in opening up is acknowledging what you feel instead of suppressing it.

Instead of telling yourself, “I should just be strong,” remind yourself that being honest about your emotions is actually a sign of strength.

2. Make Time for Real Conversations

Life gets busy, and IVF adds even more to your plate. Set aside intentional time to talk—without distractions. This isn’t about having a quick check-in while scrolling through your phone or rushing through a conversation before bed.

Try setting a weekly "IVF check-in" where you and your partner can talk about how you’re feeling—both physically and emotionally. Maybe it’s over dinner, during a walk, or in a quiet space where you can focus on each other.

3. Use “I” Statements to Express Yourself

It’s easy to get caught up in frustration and unintentionally place blame, which can lead to defensiveness instead of understanding. A simple way to avoid this is by using “I” statements.

For example:

• Instead of saying, “You don’t understand how hard this is for me,” try, “I feel really overwhelmed and scared about what’s next, and I just need to talk about it.”

• Instead of, “You never ask how I’m feeling,” try, “I feel like I need more support, and it would mean a lot if we could check in more often.”

This small shift in language makes a huge difference in keeping communication open and supportive.

4. Don’t Minimize Your Partner’s Experience

Just as you have your own emotions about IVF, your partner does too. They may not always express them in the same way, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling the weight of it.

If your partner opens up, avoid responses like, “It’ll be fine,” or “Just stay positive.” Instead, acknowledge their feelings:

• “That sounds really tough. I appreciate you sharing that with me.”

• “I know this is hard for both of us, but I’m here with you no matter what.”

Validating your partner’s emotions helps create a safe space for open conversations.

5. Find Ways to Support Each Other Beyond Words

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Supporting your partner doesn’t always mean having deep emotional conversations—it can also mean showing love in small but meaningful ways:

• Holding hands during appointments

• Leaving an encouraging note or text

• Surprising them with something that brings them comfort (their favorite meal, a relaxing night in, or a small thoughtful gift)

• Simply saying, “I love you, and I’m in this with you”

These little moments of connection can make a world of difference during IVF.

6. Seek Support Together If Needed

IVF can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes, talking to each other may not feel like enough. Seeking help from a therapist, support group, or counselor who specializes in fertility can give you both tools to navigate this journey together.

There is no shame in needing extra support. In fact, it can strengthen your relationship and help you communicate even better.

7. Remember You’re on the Same Team

At the end of the day, IVF is not just about the physical process—it’s about your journey as a couple. No matter how difficult things get, remind yourself that you’re not alone. You and your partner are in this together, working toward the same goal.

When you face struggles, don’t turn away—turn toward each other. Keep the lines of communication open, show love in small ways, and support each other through every step.

Your relationship matters just as much as the outcome. Take care of it. Take care of each other.