Part 3: The Guilt of We’re in This Because of Me: "Finding strength in vulnerability and open conversations"

When I first heard that the fertility challenges my wife and I were facing were because of me, I didn’t say much. Not to the doctor. Not to my wife. Not even to myself. I just shut down.

I did what many men do when hit with a blow to their identity—I went silent.

But here’s what I’ve learned: silence might feel like strength, but it’s actually fear wearing a mask. The real strength? That came later—when I let myself be vulnerable.

Why Vulnerability Feels Like a Threat

For so many of us, the idea of being vulnerable feels like weakness. We’re taught from a young age that we’re supposed to be the protectors, the problem-solvers, the ones who “man up” no matter what. But what happens when you are the one who needs support? When you don’t have the answers? When you are the reason the path to parenthood just got more complicated?

It’s uncomfortable. It’s humiliating. And it’s isolating—unless we speak up.

What Happens When You Open Up

The first real conversation I had about male infertility wasn’t easy. I remember the lump in my throat, the shame I had to push past just to get the words out: “This is hard for me. I feel like I’ve failed you.”

But my wife didn’t flinch. She listened. She cried. She held my hand. And something shifted between us—not in a negative way, but in a powerful way. We stopped tiptoeing around the pain and started facing it together. That’s when the healing began.

The Truth About Strength

Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re falling apart. It means you’re honest enough to admit that you’re human. Real strength is showing up, not just when things are good, but when they’re hard.

It’s crying in the car after another disappointing appointment—and then still going home and asking your partner how she’s doing.

It’s telling your best friend what you’re going through, even if it feels awkward.

It’s joining a support group, reading the stories of other men, or just saying out loud: “This hurts.”

Start the Conversation

If you’re reading this and holding your breath, wondering how to even begin, start here:

• With your partner: “I’ve been holding in a lot. Can we talk about how this is affecting us?”

• With a friend: “I’m going through something tough. I could really use someone to talk to.”

• With yourself: “It’s okay to feel what I’m feeling. I don’t have to carry this alone.”

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

There’s a whole brotherhood of men out here who have been through it—quietly, painfully, and often without support. That’s what The IVF Playbook for Men is all about. Giving voice to the things we’re told to bury.

If you’re in this fight, know this: You are not weak. You are not broken. And you don’t have to stay silent.

Let’s keep talking.

Closing Quote: "Vulnerability isn’t giving up your strength. It’s showing up with your whole self, even when it’s hard—and that’s where true strength begins."