Part 1 The Guilt of “We’re in This Because of Me”: My Journey with Male Factor Infertility

When I first heard the term male factor infertility, it hit me like a punch I never saw coming.

Up until that point, I had always seen myself as strong—physically, emotionally, and mentally. I had endured tough football camps, powered through business deals, and taken hits in life that would drop most people. But nothing prepared me for the quiet, lingering pain that came with learning I was the reason my wife and I were having trouble starting our family.

It’s a hard truth to hold: We’re in this because of me.

The Silent Weight

I remember sitting in the doctor’s office as the results came back. There was a lot of medical jargon—motility, morphology, count. But the bottom line was clear: something wasn’t working right on my end.

My wife squeezed my hand and smiled gently, reassuring me without words. But inside, I felt myself begin to spiral. I felt broken. Less than. Guilty.

Guilty because she had done everything right.Guilty because I didn’t see this coming.Guilty because now our journey would be longer, harder, and more expensive.

And all because of me.

The Shame That Doesn't Speak

As men, we don’t talk about this. We don’t post about it. We don’t have barbershop conversations about sperm counts. There’s no locker room playbook for when your body doesn’t cooperate. Instead, we wear our shame like armor—quiet, invisible, and isolating.

I started questioning everything. Was it something I did when I was younger? Was it the stress, the workouts, the lifestyle, the supplements? And why hadn’t I ever been told that infertility could affect me?

No one prepares you for that kind of grief.

Rewriting the Narrative

But here’s the truth: infertility isn’t a judgment of your manhood. It’s not a weakness. It’s a medical condition—just like high blood pressure or a knee injury. And the only way I was able to start healing emotionally was by owning my truth and speaking it out loud.

My wife and I sat down and made a promise: No matter what happens, we are going to be okay. We are not blaming each other. We’re moving forward—together.

That changed everything.

IVF Isn’t Just a Medical Process—It’s an Emotional Gauntlet

If you’ve been through IVF, you know what I’m talking about. It’s not just lab work and appointments. It’s the emotional rollercoaster of hope, fear, frustration, and anticipation—all on repeat.

And for men dealing with male factor infertility, there’s often an extra layer of guilt sitting silently in the background. Watching your wife inject herself with hormones because your numbers aren’t what they should be? That’s a different kind of pain.

But I learned something powerful along the way: just because I couldn’t control the biology, didn’t mean I was powerless.

I became the rock. The steady hand. The supportive voice on the hardest days. I educated myself, I asked questions, I showed up to every appointment, and I made damn sure my wife knew we were still in this together.

The Shift: From Shame to Purpose

Over time, I stopped carrying the guilt like a burden and started using it as fuel.

That’s why I created IVF Playbook for Men—to give other men something I never had: a real, honest space to process the journey, talk about the hard stuff, and learn how to support their partners while healing themselves.

You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you don’t have to carry this in silence.

What I Wish I Knew Then

If I could go back and talk to myself on the day I got that diagnosis, here’s what I’d say:

• You are not less of a man.

• Your worth is not tied to your fertility.

• You can still be a father.

• This journey will deepen your relationship in ways you can’t yet see.

• Speak up. Ask for help. Share your truth.

Because guilt thrives in the shadows—but healing begins in the light.

Final Thoughts

If you’re reading this and you’ve just found out you’re dealing with male factor infertility, I want you to hear this from someone who’s been there:

You are still powerful.You are still capable.And you are not the problem—you’re part of the solution.

Walk with your head high. Love your partner fiercely. And know that every step you take toward building your family—no matter how tough—is a testament to your strength, not your weakness.

We’re not in this because of you.We’re in this with you.