What to Ask at Your First IVF Consultation — A Man’s Perspective

When you're stepping into the world of IVF, it can feel like walking into a new city without a map. Everything’s unfamiliar, emotions run high, and as a man, you may feel like a passenger instead of a co-pilot. But let me tell you — you have a voice at the table, and that starts with asking the right questions during your first consultation.

Whether you're just beginning or already deep in the decision-making process, these questions can help you show up, get informed, and support your partner in a meaningful way.

Why It Matters

Too often, fertility clinics speak primarily to the woman. But IVF is a team effort, and male factors contribute to nearly half of infertility cases. So, don’t just sit in the chair nodding along — speak up. You’re part of this journey, and your presence matters.

Top Questions to Ask During the First IVF Consultation (from a Man’s Point of View):

1. What tests do I need, and what are they looking for?

Don’t assume all attention should be on your partner. Male fertility testing (usually semen analysis and hormone levels) is a crucial part of the process. Ask:

“What should I expect during my testing, and how can I prepare for it?”

2. How might my lifestyle be affecting our fertility?

Things like stress, alcohol, diet, sleep, and even your workouts can influence sperm quality. Ask:

“Are there changes I can make to improve my fertility or increase our odds of success?”

3. What happens if my results show something abnormal?

Sometimes the male factor is overlooked or brushed off. Be direct:

“If something shows up in my analysis, what’s the plan to address it?”

4. What’s the timeline and what role will I play throughout?

It’s easy to feel sidelined once egg retrieval and embryo transfer become the focus. Ground yourself early:

“Can you walk me through the process and tell me what’s expected of me at each stage?”

5. How can I best support my partner emotionally and physically through IVF?

Being a great partner means showing up beyond the medical stuff. Doctors have seen it all. Ask:

“What are some ways I can support her during treatment that other men have found helpful?”

6. What are the chances this will work, based on our situation?

Don't settle for generic stats. Make it personal:

“What do our test results and medical history suggest about our chances of success?”

7. How do you handle stress, anxiety, or relationship strain during IVF?

IVF can test even the strongest relationships. Be proactive:

“Are there resources you recommend for couples going through this — like counseling or support groups?”

8. What does this mean for our future if it doesn’t work the first time?

It's not negative thinking — it’s preparation. Ask:

“If this round doesn’t succeed, what are our next options and how do we regroup?”

Final Thoughts

This journey isn’t just about producing a sample on demand. It’s about being present, informed, and emotionally invested. Asking questions shows your doctor — and your partner — that you're locked in. You’re not just a bystander in this process; you're her teammate. Her anchor. Her co-creator.

So speak up. Ask questions. Take notes. Cry if you need to. And remember — this is your journey too.