Speak Up When Necessary: Advocating During the IVF Journey

The journey through IVF can be overwhelming, filled with medical jargon, numerous appointments, and emotional ups and downs. As men, we often take a backseat during fertility treatments, believing it's best to stay quiet and let our partners take the lead. However, there are moments when speaking up is not just helpful—it’s necessary. Advocacy, both for yourself and your partner, can make a significant difference in the IVF experience.

Why Speaking Up Matters

Advocating for yourself or your partner during IVF is about ensuring that you’re both heard, informed, and supported. Fertility clinics and medical staff are professionals, but they don’t always know the unique dynamics of your relationship or your individual concerns. Research suggests that patients who actively participate in their medical care experience better outcomes and feel more empowered (Epstein & Street, 2011).

By speaking up when necessary, you can:

• Clarify uncertainties about the process.

• Address emotional or physical concerns for you or your partner.

• Ensure the care team respects your wishes and goals.

Situations Where Speaking Up is Critical

1. Understanding the ProcessIVF involves a series of complex steps, from hormone treatments to embryo transfer. If you or your partner don’t fully understand a procedure or its risks, ask questions.Example: “Can you explain how this medication affects the chances of success?”

2. Addressing Emotional StrainFertility struggles can take a toll on both partners. If you notice your partner is overwhelmed or if you’re struggling yourself, share this with the care team. Many clinics have counselors or resources to help.Example: “We’ve both been feeling anxious about this stage of the process. Are there resources for emotional support?”

3. Expressing Concerns About Treatment PlansMedical treatments are not one-size-fits-all. If you or your partner are uncomfortable with a recommendation, ask for alternatives or second opinions.Example: “Is there another protocol we could consider that aligns more closely with our concerns?”

4. Advocating for Your PartnerThere may be times when your partner feels unheard or dismissed during appointments. Step in respectfully to ensure their voice is acknowledged.Example: “She mentioned that she’s been feeling significant discomfort. Can we explore that further?”

Tips for Effective Advocacy

• Stay Informed: Learn as much as you can about IVF to ask informed questions and make confident decisions.

• Be Respectful but Firm: Speak with respect but stand your ground when it comes to concerns or preferences.

• Document Questions and Concerns: Write down questions before appointments to ensure all topics are addressed.

• Use “I” Statements: Frame concerns as collaborative, e.g., “We’d like more clarity about this step” rather than “You didn’t explain this.”

The Impact of Advocacy on Your Partner

When you speak up during the IVF process, you demonstrate to your partner that you’re fully engaged and invested in the journey. This can strengthen your bond and reassure them that they’re not carrying the emotional weight alone. According to a study by Fischer and Golombok (2012), shared decision-making in fertility treatments fosters stronger relational satisfaction and emotional well-being.

Final Thoughts

Advocating during IVF doesn’t mean taking over—it means standing alongside your partner as an equal, active participant. By speaking up when necessary, you can help ensure that you’re both receiving the care, respect, and attention you deserve.

Remember, this is your journey too. Don’t be afraid to use your voice—it’s one of the most powerful tools you have.

Sources:

• Epstein, R. M., & Street, R. L. (2011). The values and value of patient-centered care. Annals of Family Medicine, 9(2), 100–103.

• Fischer, S., & Golombok, S. (2012). Shared decision-making and relational satisfaction in couples undergoing fertility treatment. Human Reproduction, 27(10), 2896–2902.